I Can Do It Myself!

My Mom loves to tell the story of when I was three and wanted to button my own buttons on the back of my dress.  I kept reaching back to button them and instead just kept walking in circles trying make my head turn around to face my back.  She said “let me help you.”  And always my reply was, “no! don’t help me!”  Well now the shoe is on the other foot.  My 80 year old mother lives alone.  I want to help her and now I hear, “no! don’t help me.”

I’m not alone in the struggle to help a parent that is doing just fine, thank you very much.   A professor at the University of Southern California who studied the parent /adult child relationship calls this situation “disharmonious.”  Professor Silverstein found, “more conflict, and less closeness, when [adult children] were caregiving….”  Role reversal can be a little prickly.

You want your parents safe and secure but you want to stay on speaking terms with them too.  One idea, age-in-place  homes or remodels.  This relatively new concept enables a home to take care of the owner- not the other way around.    Stepless entries, grab bars, multi-level counter tops, comfort height commodes, lever door handles, open floor plans, full extension drawers, curbless showers —the possibilities are almost endless.   And new technology and designs are emerging all the time.  Aging in place  is a win-win situation.  Piece of mind, safety, security, functionality … harmony.